Rachel. 19. New York City/Shanghai. Hopefully you'll find something that'll make you chuckle, guffaw, or blow air out of your nose at a faster rate than usual.
Because a man has to be a sociopath to love a woman with cellulite.
Fuck this world.
If all residents of hell look like Scarlett Johansson, I renounce my atheism and take up Satanism
whoever wrote this needs to be punched. a lot.
breaking news: man somehow isn’t repulsed at the sight of his beautiful, talented girlfriend because she has a bumpy texture on a bit of her legs
none pizza with left beef
It should be a rule of Tumblr to always reblog none pizza with left beef
ive missed you
#THIS IS MY FAVORITE FUCKING THING JUST THE BEEF#YOU COULD TELL THE POOR CHEF WAS JUST FUCKING#DISGUSTED#WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS#WHAT THE F U C K IS THIS#WHO THE FUCK ORDERS A#A /NONE/ PIZZA?? JUST BEEF ON THE LEFT???#FUCK IT#F U CK IT#JUST COOK THE FUCKING DOUGH#HERE LET ME THROW THIS FUCKING HANDFUL OF OBLONG BEEF CHUNKS AT YOUR NONE FUCKING PIZZA#FUCK YOU#FUCK YOU AND ALL YOU STAND FOR#LEFT FUCKING BEEF (via askscientistcarlos)
I love None Pizza with Left Beef.
So, it seems the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon has claimed some of its first victims. People have already died because of unsafe BDSM practices copied off this poor excuse of a book. So, to any of the people here who might have an interest in BDSM, let me beg you to at the very, very least, never forget the following:
This is Chester. When I was in Afghanistan I got a care package from one of those “Adopt a Soldier” programs that lets families send care packages to service men and women who are deployed overseas. Anyway, I got this care package, and it came with the usual stuff: Baby wipes, crackers, peanut butter, the Dad threw in a pack of cigarettes, and there was some jerky. But there was also a little beanie baby gold fish and a hand written note from a 7 year old girl that said
“Dear Soldier, (I wasn’t even mad)
I hope you are doing well. I’m sorry you have to miss thanksgiving with your family. This is my friend Chester. He keeps me safe from monsters, but I think you need him more than I do. I hope he keeps you safe from the monsters you’re fighting. Take good care of him for me”.
You bet your ass that little fish was in my pocket every time I went on patrol.
do you ever just listen to someone’s problem and you have nothing to say except “I’m sorry” because there is literally no way for you to help and you get sucked into a vortex of guilt and despair because you are useless
'Vortex of guilt and…
“Is Draco alive? Is he in the castle?” The whisper was barely audible; her lips were an inch from his ear, her head bent so low that her long hair shielded his face from the onlookers. “Yes,” he breathed back. He felt the hand on his chest contract; her nails pierced him. Then it was withdrawn. She had sat up. “He is dead!” Narcissa Malfoy called to the watchers.
In the end, Voldemort’s fate twice came down to the choice of a woman, a mother.
Rock ‘n roll.
Harry Potter as a series repeatedly tells us never to underestimate a mother’s love. Lilly’s love for Harry nearly killed Voldemort the first time, Narcissa’s love for Draco set him up for his real death, and Voldemort’s greatest general was killed by Molly, a mother who loved all of her children and feared losing any more to the magical war.
Bitches. Get. Stuff. Done.
#but i would SO DEEPLY LOVE for this moment to be the start#of a harry/narcissa friendship that everyone else thinks is REALLY WEIRD#like they send each other owls ALL THE TIME#she helps him properly cleanse and renovate 12 grimmauld place#she takes him shopping for proper wizarding clothes #he buys her dinner#they go to professional quidditch matches together#wizarding paps keep getting pictures of them going places arm-in-arm and giggling#draco gets up in the middle of the night and comes to the kitchen#to harass the house-elves for tea#and harry and narcissa are down there barefoot in their pajamas#possibly draco starts to cry #IT COULD BE SO BEAUTIFUL (via)
If you asked me to pick my favorite Harry Potter character, I would have a hard time picking between Luna Lovegood and Narcissa Malfoy.
But like okay, regarding the above, Harry Potter is the heir to the Blacks, to her family, it starts off kind of politically and she has to make sure he doesn’t ruin anything or throw away any other important heirlooms and then they become buddies and Harry is babysitting Teddy one day and Narcissa is kinda punched in the heart with the realization that yes, this is her baby grand-nephew and she eventually reconciles with Andromeda and then I have a lot of Black Family Feelings.
Alternately, AU in which Narcissa Malfoy and Molly Weasley team up and together they Fight Crime As Badass Moms.
Posts like this make me appreciate fanfic in ways I probably wouldn’t were it not for tumblr. I’m not about to dive into fanfic or anything, but like those are legitimately cool ideas and I’m genuinely pleased that there are people out there who are so excited to think them.